We’re here to save your butt.
This might be true in some cases, but we weren’t sure we wanted to put it on a t-shirt.
Rent a clue.
This true in the sense that we usually have a clue, but way too arrogant. Besides, it’s not nice to imply that one’s customers are clueless. Most of our customers know lots about what they do; they just want help with what we do.